Oxymoron In The Tropics

I have friends who have been with me from schooldays or campus days.... we've been through happy times, stressful moments... even anger and long silences. But when I think of them, I feel a warmth deep inside my heart for they have lasted the mile.  After all these years, they still want to be my friends :)  I told a friend once that when you put your trust in a friend, you are giving that person a knife, which he can choose to put away and never use.  Or stab you in the back.  But I didn't tell that friend that it is possible to survive stabs in the back and still remain friends with the other.  It takes time for the wound to stop bleeding and the heart to forgive, but it is possible. --------------------- There's X, who shared many adventures with me, even though there were points of friction between the two of us.  But I would like to think that deep inside, both of us see beyond those points of conflict.  I appreciate her for being willing to share many enterprises ...

Was reading a book this morning...and one statement caught my attention.  The author says never to spend time with people who make negative remarks, especially those who do it 'for your own good' and who 'care about you'. Old advice but I keep 'failing' to heed it in the name of friendship. Just last week, a friend asked me so solicitously how I was doing at work or in my personal life.  I replied that I was doing okay, upon which she got an uncertain look on her face and looked as if she was thinking hard.  Naturally, I asked her if anything was wrong.  What happened next was so typical. She said,"Well, So-And-So so said to me... oh no, I shouldn't say this." I took the bait and urged her to tell me.  Which she did and straightaway told me to forget it. Hah, do you  think I can forget it?  It is like a stone in my shoe.  And I feel like such a stupid fool for this is what this friend does to me on a regular basis.  She likes to tell me thing...

Today I was miserable. I woke up, feeling as if I had a Sword of Damocles hanging over my head and was so sure that the day was just going to get worse. Which naturally it did. Things didn't go the way they were supposed to, discussions went from bad to worse and things pretty much degenerated to the point where the aircon was too strong, the coffee was too bitter and the CARPET WAS TOO BLUE! I just wanted to drag my useless and unproductive body home, find some pillows and bury my head out of sight until Monday melted into Tuesday. But of course I logged into the net first. First person I met online patiently 'listened' as I typed all my grievances out. After an hour, I felt much better. Then I went into Facebook and naturally, since misery loves company, I changed my status to ' had an awful Monday.' Almost instantly, friends and cousins began asking why, sending teddy bears, Jesuses and commiserated with me. They didn't allow me to be miserable. What sw...

There are positive ripples...and there are negative ripples. A case in point is a friend of mine, who did something she believed was right for her. Unfortunately the majority didn't view it as positively as she did. And till today, whatever she does that resembles the old action is seen as suspect. And she is treated accordingly. What is happening to her is kinda like ripples that keep destroying as they go on and on. Some may say, who dares to judge? But then again, we all live in a society. This society needs rules in order to function properly. And these rules are guarded closely...sometimes even viciously. The alternative, you see, is chaos. Well, at least I think so. That is why we should be careful about the things we do and the things we say. They have a way of living on ... way beyond our own short memories. Today too, I heard this during a briefing : When you change your thinking, you change your beliefs. When you change your beliefs, you change your expectations. ...

I've had angels in my world all my life.... They manifest themselves in ... C who calls me up to 'blast' me about things I do (which I don't always appreciate...heh heh) L who talks about swords, prayers and angels :D A who gave me a much-needed push ;) in 2003 AD who gave me a wake-up call about my relationship with God J who got me involved in debates a long long time ago JJ who kept me sane and on-track during my Masters program H who drinks coffee with me and listens listens listens .... oh, so many earth angels... And now my latest angel just called me up to offer a course to help... of all people, K, a person close to me. Really out of the blue and a welcome surprise to start off my day. And the added 'benefit'...K would only attend the course if I went along. How could I refuse such an opportunity?

Today, ripples are on my mind ;) Sometimes in the course of my work (or fun!), someone asks why I bother to do such and such.  Like why bother to blow up twenty balloons for a nephew who is not having a birthday party.  Or why bother to talk to someone who doesn't want to listen.  Well, I do some of the tiny insignificant things I do because of ripples.  The twenty balloons may 'kill' me (blow up this many and you will know what I mean!) or the 'deaf' friend may go his way anyway (& I have wasted my breath!) but... The kid will be happy and stay happy for a few days... The 'deaf' friend may remember my words one day...when the time is right. And who knows what may happen or what may be averted? A friend shared some realizations about prayer with me which made me sit up and think hard about my own prayer life.  Then the changes in me caught the attention of other people, who asked and they too sat up and thought hard. It never hurts to share... the wor...

Had a great weekend...! Saturday was hubby's birthday so we went to have buffet lunch. Son was, as usual, all upbeat about the smorgasbord of dishes on display (paying special attention to the ices and jellies). Tried taking pictures of hubby but he wouldn't cooperate so I focused on son instead. The sweetie loved mugging for the camera! Lunch was a combo of feasting and entertainment ;) Sunday was a really packed day. Promised mum that I'd help out at the food fair in church so I stood (!) on duty at the cake stall till noon. After hours of handling cakes of all sorts (cinnamon, butter, honeycomb, chocolate moist, sponge) and cookies and biscuits etcetera etcetera, I had had my FILL of the sweet stuff. And imagine trying to answer questions like "Is this sweet? How sweet?" and "Is this delicious?". But at the same time, I had the opportunity to meet so many old friends (such as Juliana, Walter and Winston) By one p.m,, I was almost dead on my fe...

Sometimes in our busy lives, it is good to take some time out just to shoot the breeze with friends. Yesterday, I went for high tea with friends of the debating tendency :) We laughed, we ate, we made lots of noise, we viewed videos of past debates... And to sum it up, Henry said,"God, you're all so terrible!" ;) Back : L-R : me, Sibyl, Susan Front : L-R : Audrey, Aloysia Back : Susan Front : L-R : me, Eric, Henry, Audrey

A man died yesterday. I didn't know him that well. I may have met him only a handful of times. What I remember was that he was a man you never forgot. All he had to do was enter a room and everyone would turn to look. He had a love of life that shone through in his laughter and his words. But he died today and now I have a friend who is devastated. She too has a similar love of life. I admire her for her zest for living and just overall in-your-face vitality. But her grief is so strong.... I am so sad...I do not grieve for him for I barely knew him. Besides he is already 'safe' in the other world. I grieve for her...my tears are for a woman left behind. I have faith in her strength and I know she will get through this. But what version of her will emerge at the other end of this tunnel of pain? I am selfish because I still want the old fresh and mouthy lady. I just fear that she may never be the same. :`(

When I go around bolstering people, I like to imagine a halo of energy around my head and shoulders and that I'm sending a stream of energy out to others. While I talk to them or listen to them, I'm 'supplying' them with energy. But I forget sometimes that I need energy myself, especially when I'm fresh out. Today I was feeling low and depleted, especially after I left my Form 5 class. It was my first class with them after they found out that I was leaving the school and they were not happy. Then I read some posts online and remembered that the state teacher debaters were checking into PSPN today. After a few smses, I realized that they were low on motivation, thanks to some incidents. I knew I had to go to PSPN. But I badly needed backup and so I asked Henry and Eric to go along. I knew they could give a lot of input to the team members and they could also reaffirm their support of this particular team. At the same time, they could also 'support' me...

Hey, Luke, a song you may find interesting, considering your past and current 'adventures'...:) Well, at least, life isn't boring. "Strange Relationship" Do you love me? Or am I just another trip in this strange relationship? You push and pull me and I'm about to lose my mind Is this just a waste of time keep acting like you own me I keep running, watch me walking out that door I hear you behind me Gimme that strange relationship Never felt pleasure and pain like this Something so right but it feels so terribly wrong I keep holding on Gimme that strange relationship One of us gotta let go of this I keep pushing and you keep holding on I'm already gone Do you love me? We break up and back together And I swore to myself never Oh how you do me You strip me of my honor And I don't ever think I'm gonna Break free of these mind games All I'm trying to do is modify my plan 'Cause I can't contain you Gimme that strange relationship Never felt p...

For the past few weeks, a girlfriend of mine has been in agony over a loved one. But the way I hear it, she's better off without him. Heard a song on the radio that I'd love to hear her dedicate to him... Cry Me A River Now you say you're lonely You cry the long night through Well, you can cry me a river Cry me a river I cried a river over you Now you say you're sorry For being so untrue Well, you can cry me a river Cry me a river I cried a river over you You drove me, nearly drove me, out of my head While you never shed a tear Remember, I remember, all that you said You told me love was too plebeian Told me you were through with me and Now you say you love me Well, just to prove that you do Come on and cry me a river Cry me a river I cried a river over you I cried a river over you I cried a river...over you... And Barbra Streisand gives a killer version of this song.

Sometimes things happen that rattle me. They aren't earthshaking or life-endangering or stuff like that. But when they happen in a combination, I get rattled. So when that happens, I look for my security blanket. For some people, security blankets may mean an old teddy bear, a favourite rocking-chair or whatever. My security blankets are human beings who let me vent and they even go,"Uh-huh..." very patiently when I spout nonsense. My husband is one (obviously!) and I also have one in Johor, one and a half in KL and two in KK. But after pouring out all my fears and worries onto them, I feel so relieved. In case anyone wonders, this particular kind of security blanket takes about ten years to develop.

Okay, okay... don't drag the lawyers out.  It's not Facebook that's driving me nuts.  It's my wonderful friends and family who wanna do things to me.  Oh for crying out loud, I've got : - 8 superpoke! friend requests - 1 what are you wearing invitation - 1 new wall post request - 2 zombies invitations - 1 oktoberfest invitation - 2 my aquarium requests - 2 werewolves requests - 2 top friends friend requests - 1 get superlatives invitation - 1 my room invitation - 3 vampires invitations - 1 wishabi request - 1 hottest friend request - 1 tattoos invitation - 1 describe me request - 2 slayers invitations - 1 likeness quiz request - 1 my kids invitation - 1 my cause invitation .... and a partridge in a pear tree?  Not. Just looking at the list is tiring.  What more delving deep into these requests and invitations... Unlike the Indian man in the Astro advert, I AIN'T GOT TIME! I dread to find out how many zombies I'm gonna get tomorrow.

Today, I'm going to visit a colleague in the hospital.  Last Saturday, he was admitted because his heart was only functioning at 52%.  It's incredible because he is an active sportsman and seems to be doing all the right things like eating right, going for regular exercise... It must've been a tremendous shock to his family when he collapsed last Saturday. It's frightening in a way because it made me realize that I'm in the 'zone'... I'm now in the age bracket where health problems begin to emerge.  Scary scary scary... P/S M looked okay..his wife n kids were with him. The docs are hunting for the suspected blockage in his heart. :(

Once upon a time, I tried to search for something missing in my life.  I KNEW it was missing but I didn't know what it was.  But I would know it if I found it because I'd feel whole inside.  I'd feel peace. My favourite place to search for it were places like Shenanigans and Something Al's (changed name three times as far I know and is now known as Blue Note).  The music was loud enough to fill up all the empty spaces in my ears, heart and mind.  The drinks were just as great and when you hit a certain level of intoxication, the whole world was beautiful and no problem seemed insurmountable.  Best of all, you were surrounded by happy people ... and they were all my friends.  Even if I didn't know their surnames. But after a few years, it all palled.  The music was always the same... and when it changed to trance music, it wasn't to my liking.  I liked music by GunsnRoses, Queen and Joan Jett.  And as I got older,...

Had a talk with a friend recently. She was upbeat about her life...although things could be better.  Later I heard from others that she was seeing a married man.  At first I thought,"Why would such a winner of a lady 'sabotage' her life in such a way?"  I mean, what can that man offer her?  A few stolen hours?  Some happiness... but not much and most definitely temporary?  Cue Whitney Houston's song 'Saving All My Love For You". But I begin to see that it's all about finding love and acceptance.  That's what all of us want anyway.  It's just that some of us find it within ourselves, within our families and our friends.  Others seem to need to find it elsewhere.  Perhaps 'elsewhere' is more fun, more interesting... I wouldn't know.  Different strokes for different folks. One friend said to me,"Hah, wait till it happens to you."  I may sound arrogant but I say it w...

When I was in university, calling home was a major undertaking.  I had to make sure I had dinner before setting out in search of a phone booth.  My pockets jingled with coins and I dragged friends along (who knows if the queueing got too long and one had to go to a toilet).  Without a friend, one could easily lose a place in a line.  Then once we made the call, we had to talk super fast cos the coins were jingling super fast into the bottomless maw of the telecommunications company.  Keeping in touch with friends meant letters, movies and treks out to a meeting place.  And if one lost touch with a friend, one prayed some miracle or twist of fate connected friends again. But now... NOW.. the Internet has turned the world of social networking onto its head.  When I learned about emailing, I thought "Wow.." but I had to know people's email addresses.  It had to be correct right down to each dot.  Then my sister badgered me to try o...

This weekend, I thought about friends. I've had a few and of all sorts.  Some were like dandelion fluff, spinning away into the sky when the wind blows.  Some were part of the background, always there but when the scenery changed, they changed too.  Some carried 'daggers' with poison tips.  And of course some were gems. But as usual, life's not so clearcut black and white.  I cannot point a finger at anyone and say,"I regret being a friend to that one."  For all my friends brought something to my life. G gave me lots of academic discourses and sharp witty remarks mixed in with laughter n common sense. C taught me how to handle extremes in life and showed ME I had extremes in me. Q played with me in the sun and after stocking up on fun n games, Q dashed cold water in my face. Brr..then I dried off and had some more fun. R went through school with me and we shared plenty of dreams, pain and nescafe. T took me aside when my heart was ...

Yesterday was a good day. One of my favourite people in the world, Yon, got married to his lady. I used to wonder why people got all teary-eyed at weddings.  Kinda wet, don'tcha think? Yesterday I found out why.