If you have nothing good to say, then don't say anything at all.
I don't know who said that but I believe in it. Not that I always succeed in staying true to the basic premise in that sentence, but I try.
I have a friend who does many things in order to be true to herself. Not everyone agrees with what she does but life's like that, isn't it? However the latest stage of her life is to find salvation in a religion anathema to her family members. And so they heap blame and vitriolic poison on her hapless shoulders. Everything that goes wrong in their clan is blamed on her. What utterly idiotic logic...
But she sits there and TAKES it. I tell her to just get up and leave. And she just sits there and takes it.
I remain her friend and I get some of the poison as well. What do they expect me to do...? Stand with them and 'stone' her?? Well, I think these righteous people should pay heed to these words:
John 8 : 7 He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone...
If even family members cannot be kind to each other and hurl poisonous words to hurt others (even knowing that their words cannot change anything), then it is no wonder our world is full of hurt and sorrow.
There is NEVER any justification for hurting other people, especially when harming them does not bring any productive results. I tell myself that perhaps the relative herself has too much poison within... but that is not an excuse, is it?