Oxymoron In The Tropics

I'm such a terrible flibbertigibbet... at least when it comes to doing my PhD.  But then it isn't a choice to be lightly made. Over the weekend, I sat for hours and thought hard.  I had three other projects on my plate... could I handle a fourth?  Especially one as big as a PhD course?  Worse, it was to be done on a part-time basis. In the end, I realised that I was being too greedy, wanting everything.  But like an over-ambitious juggler, if I try to have too many balls flying up in the air, I may end up with all of them falling on the ground. Well, it isn't as if the PhD has an expiry date.  So back on the shelf those dreams go.  Again.   But, guys, I still want my books back.  I still want to do some research.

I've just taken my PhD dreams off the shelf and blown the dust off. Next step would be to track down my PhD-relevant books from various people who have borrowed the books while they lay dormant.   Hey, y'all... I want them books back! I am still unsure about which research area to focus on (I have two in mind) but what I am VERY sure about is that I MUST choose my supervisor carefully.  To me, that is way more important than the university.  After all, it is the experience and research I'm going after, not the name of the university.

Dear Annie John Dismas, I have never met you although our paths could have crossed some time some place. But when I heard about you, I saw a friend I could have met some time in this temporal existence.   Perhaps I could have taught your son or daughter.  He or she could have said something funny and I could have shared it with you when we met during PTA meetings.  Perhaps we might even have shared a cake during school events.  Or even some tears if your child was naughty.  But then perhaps I could have sat with you and we could have worked out a solution. Perhaps you could have helped me if I were to spend some time in a hospital.  You could have given me an injection (which I so dislike!) and made me forget the pain.  You could have told me stories while we waited for my turn to undergo treatment.  Maybe we could even have played cards together.  But how do I know what games or stories you like if I have never met you? Perhaps my son could have met your daughter and maybe we co...

One of the dangers of being a teacher is falling into a rut.  Year in, year out, you seem to be doing the same thing... although the clients change every time.  And if you don't watch out, the kids (and the solutions you implement) will begin to look the same and will begin to feel boring to you.  Since teaching is so closely tied to my emotional state of mind, I always need to stay 'excited' and 'revitalized', which means a change in my 'scenery' or 'focus' every few years.  Two days ago, Florence smsed me to tell me about an UPSI PhD briefing in KK.  Suddenly I remembered my shelved dreams.  It's not easy to begin a project like this... the time must be right... and the group of people too.  I'd got through my Masters with the help of friends supporting me through so many ups and downs.  I knew I needed the same thing with any further study I wanted to take up.  Some of my friends have signed up for this postgrad programme... some at Ma...

I first bought an online education portal (with a very cheerful bee as its mascot!) for the use of my nephews end of August 2009.  One was in Year Five (he's sitting for his UPSR government exam this week) and the other was in Year Two.  Never said much about it before, as I like to try something out and suss out the good, the bad and the ugly for myself. Well, it's been a year and a handful of months since then.  So here goes. The Good 1.  I nstant Feedback. Do the questions and you get instant evaluation.  70%?  Try again.  98% Very good... on to the next level.  There is also evaluation in the form of statistical data; subject tests and marks, frequency, list of questions answered wrongly, that sort of thing.  I remember discovering something interesting.  My nephew got one science question wrong.   Question : Which of the following is a satellite?   First Attempt : MEASAT I. Second Attempt : MEASAT II Third Attempt : TAN SAT (forgot the real answer) There were onl...

I've been stuck in long interminable meetings over the past few months ... so many of them .... which makes me wonder.  Do long meetings really achieve their objectives? Plus, I get awfully hungry when I sit down for long hours.  Which doesn't exactly help my diet plans.  Hmm, what diet plan, anyway?  Since I joined the district education office, diets and exercise plans seem to have disappeared from my life.

Today a friend asked me for some advice.  Should he go to the PPD (education district office) or stay in school? Well, it all really depends. I know why he asks me for advice.  I am currently working in the Kota Kinabalu PPD and I have past experience working in the State Education Department.  I've also racked up a reasonable number of years in school, if you'd call 11 years reasonable.  Here's what I want to say to him and I'll make it clear that this is my OPINION. How many years has one been in school?  Two years?  Six years?  I'd want to have at least three years of school service time under my belt before I try the challenging walk of a PPD officer.  Some people would scoff at that and say more years are required.  However, if a teacher has been in school almost seven years, I'd advise him to stay put.  He has better promotional chances in school.  HOWEVER, there are many reasons for one to serve as a PPD officer (note...

Or should I call them survival skills? Skill No. 1 : How To Be A Team Player The school organisation is like wheels in a cog, fitted together, sometimes well, sometimes awkwardly.  But STILL fitted together.  Those who aren't team players will find themselves facing hard times.  They'll still get on... but not as easily as when they take the team into consideration. Skill No. 2 : How To Identify Team Leaders In The Staffroom Every school staffroom has leaders.  They could be the Loud Busybody or the Strong Silent GC or the Smiley I-Love-Everybody Gossip.  They could be the principal's first cousin or the Education Director's wife.  But usually what they say goes.  And it tends to go a long way.  Getting on these people's good side is usually the smarter thing to do.  Unless you really have no choice.  Then I wish you luck. Skill No. 3 : How To Identify Clique Leaders In The Classroom In any group of people, there will be the followers and there will be the leade...

It's 5.02 p.m. on Friday and I'm still at the office.  I have two letters to fax to schools (poor schools..!), calling them for meetings at the PPD.  I think by now, some of the teachers in schools absolutely dread seeing an email from me in their inbox. Well, while I sympathize with them, I feel so absolutely sorry for myself too.  I've got so much on my plate that it's tipping over ... but 'nuff said.  I don't want to dwell on negative things. Right now, I dream of white sandy beaches, shining turquoise waters and the heroine of the story would be soaking inside those waters, thinking of nothing but how warm the waters feel.  Actually, I am describing what my Friday would be like if my boss hadn't frozen all leave, forcing me to cancel my weekend in a beautiful resort just 45 minutes out of Kota Kinabalu.  Let me rephrase that... not cancel... POSTPONED.  I cannot wait.

Yes, I should be grateful I'm overworked.  Because that means... ... I have work to do.  ... someone wants to give me work to do. ... I have a job. ... I have a salary. ... I am solvent. ... I have financial independence. Today was pay day :) Thank you, God, for overworking me!

The clock is ticking and soon it will be 16th May 2010... Teacher's Day!  Happy Teacher's Day to me! I was being sarcastic.  That is because I'm sick (LITERALLY) and tired from too many hours sitting in front of the laptop and too little time spent doing things that are good for my health, such as exercising, watching movies, playing with my son and keeping away from laptop screen radiation. The good doctor has noticed that I fall sick on predictable months and I've connected all the months with either preparation frenzies or report deadlines.  He has also reminded me that 'people can only do so much' and 'you're not as young as you used to be'.  Meaning he doesn't want to prescribe me too many antibiotics and such. Sigh... You know, I truly truly understand now why so many teachers choose to reject admin posts and remain 'KUPs'.

Every year, around May or June, I am sure to be asked by a school leaver the plaintive question,"What am I going to do now??" I will normally retort,"What do you want to do?" After years of dealing with that, I finally decided to list down options so I need only tag them. You see, nobody can answer this question except for the school leaver himself. But of course he needs to know the options first, right? Option One : Continue your studies; matriculation, A-levels or Form 6. And whatever else is at the same level. If part of your problem is money, then you'd have to do some part time work, such as giving tuition, typing assignments for other people (NOT doing them!) or working in fast food restaurants. Option Two : Continue your studies with the help of a scholarship or loan. Be diligent about filling in forms, knocking on doors and making phone calls. Option Three : Work first, save the money and continue your studies later. The da...

When I was single and teaching in an all-boys school, I had my eyes opened really wide to the challenges of growing up nowadays.  I saw boys who stayed back in school because school (even if it was empty) was much better than home.  I found out about boys who came to school in a Toyota Prado and waited till the 4WD was down the street before they hopped onto another vehicle (bus or car) headed God-Knows-Where.  But after a while, everyone found out where.  I had one boy (clean-cut and such a well-behaved angel!) in my class who disappeared after a few months.  I found out later that he was helping coordinate the activities of a car theft syndicate.  The thing was.. I knew most of these boys' families or backgrounds and the majority were from normal middle-class families.   What happened to lead them down such thorny paths? The boy with the Prado had permissive parents... nothing was too good for their angel.  So he grew up with a self-cen...

Frightening to be a teacher?  Sounds laughable, right?  But I do feel fear when I am in school as a teacher or an administrator.  Some people would call me paranoid but I think it is better to be paranoid than to be in a dock in some courtroom or at a hospital bedside some place. Let me twist a Robbie Burns poem How do I fear thee (O' burden of a teacher)? Let me count the ways... 1. In Loco Parentis In English, that means 'in the place of a parent'.  In legal terms, that means a teacher is expected to be as responsible as a parent for the safety of his or her students while they are within the school grounds or under his or her care.  And they may be liable in the same way a parent would be, where the law is concerned. I attended a course by an IAB lecturer way back in 2000 and listened in horror as she detailed the many different ways I could've been in trouble with regard to the way I dealt with students.  If a rock falls on a student within ...

As a teacher, I have had many memorable experiences but one of the most fascinating has got to be observing my colleagues from other states as they deal with their first days in Sabah. Born and bred in Sabah, I never really had much reason or opportunity to question what sort of image Sabah presented to the outside world (which includes other states in Malaysia) until I went to university in Kuala Lumpur.  And, of course, when I began working as a teacher. My first inkling of how 'scary' Sabah can be to outsiders came during my third year in university.  I had coursemates who quickly got married ... it was the first time I had ever heard of 'nikah gantung'.  Apparently, they could get married but it was a sort of 'marriage on hold' (if such a thing exists..).  What mattered was that they could get a marriage certificate that would help 'save' them from the jungles of Sabah and Sarawak.  Then, during the briefing I attended to receive my first posti...

I have friends who have been with me from schooldays or campus days.... we've been through happy times, stressful moments... even anger and long silences. But when I think of them, I feel a warmth deep inside my heart for they have lasted the mile.  After all these years, they still want to be my friends :)  I told a friend once that when you put your trust in a friend, you are giving that person a knife, which he can choose to put away and never use.  Or stab you in the back.  But I didn't tell that friend that it is possible to survive stabs in the back and still remain friends with the other.  It takes time for the wound to stop bleeding and the heart to forgive, but it is possible. --------------------- There's X, who shared many adventures with me, even though there were points of friction between the two of us.  But I would like to think that deep inside, both of us see beyond those points of conflict.  I appreciate her for being willing to share many enterprises ...

Income tax returns and I haven't been on good terms for the past ten years. It all began in 2000 with a letter from the LHDN office in Kuala Lumpur demanding money.  From statements, the letters steadily degenerated into reminders and then thinly-veiled threats.  So, like any dutiful citizen, I trotted off to the LHDN office in Bandaran Berjaya (the old office) and tried to pay.  Lo and behold, the counter staff refused to accept my money.  They kept insisting that I didn't owe them any money.  I told them that the income tax payments were for my account when I was unmarried.  However they'd deleted that account.  And under my new account, I had no debts.  So I went into a small room where an officer looked at my file and then told me to go home.  Six months later, I got another letter from Kuala Lumpur, telling me that I still hadn't paid (no kidding???) and that I was in danger of losing my limbs.  Hmm, I'm kidding about the latter...

When I was much younger and more impatient with the world, I had difficulties dealing with people who did 'stupid things'.  Such as : - not releasing an important report because it was incomplete (what was incomplete was a minor detail, such as page numbers). As a result, the report missed its deadline. - not answering a question, even though he knew the answer because ' it wasn't his job '. - teachers inconveniencing students about attendance at certain school activities because they cannot make sensible judgments of their own.  E.g. A school I won't mention set a date for all students to come and update their clubs and societies' files and reports.  So a student who had already completed his work asked to be excused from that particular activity.  The teacher demanded that he attend school that day as 'arahan sudah keluar' (instructions have been issued).  So the student asked what was he to do since he had already finished his work.  The teach...

A junior teacher once asked me... what should she focus on in school? She was finding the multitasking a bit wearing and she was losing focus. She found herself deep in typing worksheets, analyzing numbers, preparing powerpoints and she instinctively felt that she was going the wrong way. She was lucky because she asked a senior teacher. I didn't ask... and I only figured out the answer for myself after about four years of teaching. To give you an idea of how busy I was, just picture a cat running around after its tail...LOL... Anyway, this is what I told her : A teacher's most important duty is to make the student hunger and thirst for knowledge badly enough that they will take charge of their own learning. Not to finish the syllabus or textbook chapters Not to prepare and grade test papers... Not to sit in class and make sure everyone is doing something. And most definitely NOT to condemn a child for his disinterest in his books. I have a secret to share : when a colleag...

What breaks my heart every time it happens is watching a student fail to continue his or her studies because of financial barriers. I have lost count of the times I have personally witnessed a student do well in exams but cannot continue because of money problems.  C was one of the top three students in a previous STPM exam.  She could've easily got a place in university but for reasons known only to her, she chose to help her family in their shop.  Q was in the top TWO in his school in an SPM exam.... but family pressures and financial obligations steered him away from a confirmed place in matriculation.  Now I do not know where he is. J was the TOP student in a school.... but because his father didn't live up to his responsibility as a parent, J dropped out of school. I cry inside when I see these things happening for I know education is their best route to a brighter future.  I feel so so SO frustrated because if it is not their own family that 'drags' them down,...

Finding Love and Acceptance Finding Love and Acceptance Part II Continuing my reflections on how people seek love and acceptance, it is inevitable to talk about what happens when love is rejected. Authors and playwrights like to write about unrequited love because there are so many variations and so much more drama. Besides, such tales sell better than ones where the hero and the heroine meet, fall in love and get married. Yawn. For those who have felt the pain of unrequited love, they know that it is a pain like no other. Imagine feeling strong emotions for someone and that someone doesn't even know you exist. Or perhaps does realise you are alive but isn't interested to know more. It is no wonder that some are driven to send endless smses and make endless calls to the object of their affection. They know that they are probably driving the other person away but they feel frightened of not being able to win the other person's affection, either through inactio...

Sigh, it's that time again.... of choices, dilemmas, adjustments and ANGST. Yesterday was a deadline for the Form Six Academic Teacher Post applicants to verify their data with the Unit Naik Pangkat (Promotions Unit?) of the Sabah Edu Dept. As I have already moved to the District Education Office, I had to contact my previous school to do the verification. The teachers were whispering about a possible appointment briefing in March or April. Hmmm, wonder what that would mean for me. A Senior Assistant friend of mine sat for an hour, unloading all her grief related to this promotional exercise. There were teachers who applied for posts in Phase One but didn't get any offer, while others who applied in Phase Two were given offers. So the aggrieved teachers were complaining to her, asking why how who what and whyyyyy ...( imagine sad eyes and upset hearts ). I think (my own personal opinion, okay??) that this may have happened because a number of teachers in Phase One turned ...

I should be happy....I get requests to add friends almost every day. But how can I be happy when these requests come from Mawar Putih, Duitbah Dragon, Shmily Love, Mary Mz, Hellstrom, Freddie Mercury, Shadowrunner Daus, Friday Starz and the list goes on and on. I thought Freddie Mercury died a long time ago. I've tried squinting at the pictures but they are usually taken at odd angles (the current craze is to make your eyes look super big and your chin almost embedded into your neck) or of various body parts (e.g. one eye, half a forehead or a foot). I've also got requests from babies (well, the pictures are of babies... and the names are cutesy ones like BubbleBee or AngelPuff). Although I didn't think the babies actually typed out their requests. I usually don't bother with those who have 'killer' combinations of weird nicks and weirder pictures (a skull, an X, a burger, Spongebob etc). And of course, there are requests from people whose faces I don't know...

... you have so much work to do that you forget mealtimes. ... you have so much data to compile that you compile more than you analyse. ....you have so many emails to download that you forget which folder you put them in. ....you eat drink breathe live your work till you can't even blog! &*^%$#%&**&@&%^$!!!!!!

Ofttimes I feel a need for some quiet time. Just some time and space to myself. No thoughts of lists & deadlines, no worrying, no thinking... Amazingly, when I first tried doing this, it was very difficult for I had become so used to filling my mind with 'noise'. The noise of the world I live in... but after a while, it became easier. Some people learn to silence their minds through meditation. I do it by listening to prayer and music, such as the ones below... can't really achieve total silence, can I? Listening to prayers or music for a short while is like refreshing the mind... taking a step out of the crazy world I live in and going into a world of tranquility. Then after an hour or two, I feel ready to return to the craziness again. Sleepsong by Secret Garden The Promise by Secret Garden

When I was in university, I learned one unfailing strategy to get people to attend society activities. All we had to do was ensure that plenty of food was available. Simple fare like sandwiches and biscuits but plenty of it. In the first school I worked in, that same strategy worked like a charm. The boys were willing to paint endless walls, make innumerable posters and run unending miles as long as there was food and drink available. During sports season, I promised lunches and a guaranteed supply of cold drinks - this got me extreme loyalty and perseverance in sports events...LOL... I've since learned that for boys (& men too?), food is a most important starter. It's no wonder I was always broke in my first decade of teaching. Recently a friend commented that Malaysia was lucky to enjoy such harmony despite the many different races & religions. Bar the occasional lawsuit and Molotov cocktail. I noticed that he had been attending a number of events which natura...

I have noticed that most problems in relationships can be traced back to boundaries, whether unclear or unrealistic or whatever. Last week, a cousin had a quarrel (a major one!) with her parents and aunts (the uncles normally run for cover) because they disagreed with her choice of partner.  As someone on the outside looking in, I could not really tell what the real issues were but I could see that for the first time in her life, my cousin was rebelling against the established boundaries of her family expectations.  As these boundaries (rules and protocol) were the same throughout the families in the clan, the aunts jumped in to 'defend' family traditions.  One could say that the family was being too rigid... but at the same time, my cousin not only rebelled against family 'law' but she was also trying to buck social rules - hint : she could end up in Syariah court if she wasn't careful.   As far as I know, tradition has won .... although I suspect my young cousin...