Sunday, March 14, 2010

Finding Love And Acceptance Part III

Finding Love and Acceptance

Finding Love and Acceptance Part II

Continuing my reflections on how people seek love and acceptance, it is inevitable to talk about what happens when love is rejected.

Authors and playwrights like to write about unrequited love because there are so many variations and so much more drama. Besides, such tales sell better than ones where the hero and the heroine meet, fall in love and get married. Yawn.

For those who have felt the pain of unrequited love, they know that it is a pain like no other. Imagine feeling strong emotions for someone and that someone doesn't even know you exist. Or perhaps does realise you are alive but isn't interested to know more.

It is no wonder that some are driven to send endless smses and make endless calls to the object of their affection. They know that they are probably driving the other person away but they feel frightened of not being able to win the other person's affection, either through inaction or by being too late. They cannot stand the thought of 'losing' the other. But, of course, how can you lose what you have never had?

A friend once asked me what to do. She was the one being bombarded by unwanted attention. I told her to just tell the other person how she felt. However she preferred to play the avoidance game as she said that replying smses would only lead to more drama and unending debates. Unfortunately, she is probably right.

I always feel sorry for the ones who are suffering from unrequited love. They are bound by their feelings and are feeling pain. But how do they escape the feelings? Some are lucky... the feelings fade with time. But some are not ... and years later, still remain 'in love' with the other person who has moved on with his or her life. And so, they live a life of emptiness, unwilling to settle for less than the one they want. Some people think this is romantic in some dark tragic way but I think it's lonely.

Well, I do know of others who have learned to put their feelings away in some hidden part of their hearts and are happily married with children.

Some may think that settling for one when you want another is a stupid thing to do. But what do you do when the one you want doesn't want you? I think putting your life into stasis is more stupid than finding love and acceptance with another.

Well, that's what I think, anyway.

I think if you can survive the pain of unrequited love, you will emerge a stronger and more resilient person.

The song 'Lover of Mine' by Alannah Myles... more memories than I care to recall.

1 comment:

hobbit1964 said...

OMG you are soooo right. About stagnation lah.
This actually begs the question: Why don't these people just go for what they deserve?
Deal for what works for you. Especialy when you know you deserve better.
But there is also the flipside...:D sometimes the abject (sic)of their affection is stonewalling because of a perceived flaw that would be potentially hazardous to the relationship.
So, there may be work to be done ya?
And AFTER that, can go gunning for what they deserve.